Children’s fights – reasons and tips for parenting
In any children’s team there are children who, in relations with their peers, use their fists. This behavior adversely affects both sides. Victims of violence risk health, undergo an internal breakdown, fall into depression and earn inferiority complexes. Fighters also need help: getting used to solving problems by force, they morally degrade.
If the child is fighting in the garden
Brawling can be for a child to check what is permitted and a way to know relationships with others.
For the first time, children try to solve problems with a fight at the age of 2-3 years. Their aggression is directed at parents, grandparents, caregivers and children. There can be many reasons why the kids choose this kind of behavior:
inability to express the needs of words due to the lack of development of communication skills;
opportunity to draw attention to their desires, especially if he feels lonely. If a child is an outcast in a kindergarten group, then with the help of a fight he defends himself or tries to prove that he has the right to be with everyone;
self-affirmation and release of negative energy, winning a place under the sun in competition with other children – for toys, for the attention of the teacher;
copying behavior, family fun. If the adult family members find out the relationship with the use of force, then the child, taking an example from them, considers fights to be a normal phenomenon;
imitation of the characters of cartoons and computer games, in which there are shooting, strikes, explosions;
lack of education, when the child is not aware of the concept of “can-not,” “good-bad.”
The reason may even be the state of health: high intracranial pressure leads to excessive excitability, which goes through fights.
Child is fighting
What should parents do
Experts believe that parents are to blame for the child’s aggressive behavior. The perception of the world depends on them – that they will invest in the emerging consciousness. With a child you need to talk, explain and teach the norms of behavior.
Any situation must be followed by a reaction. If a child has offended another, it is necessary not only to explain that this is unacceptable, giving clear arguments, but also to ensure that he asks for forgiveness.
If aggression was addressed to adults, make it clear that they do not like it. Show how to control emotions and explain that the ability to forgive and give in is a manifestation of power.
A child should be taught to throw off negative emotions without harming others: climbing into a secluded corner to shout, stomp with her legs or crumple and tear the paper. The child who is constantly busy, often on the air and moves a lot, is less prone to aggression, because negative energy finds a way out.
The exclusion of corporal punishment of a child, beatings, watching cruel and rude cartoons, films and games will have a beneficial effect on relationships with people around them, adults and peers.
The pediatric physician Yevgeny Komarovsky has the opposite position on the issue of child aggression at preschool age. He does not agree with the opinion of psychologists that it is necessary to act patiently, convincing the child to understand: fighting is not the best way to solve problems.
Komarovsky considers aggression a strong instinct against which pedagogical methods are powerless. His advice is identical retaliatory measures by adults — each blow must be repulsed, commensurate with force. The child should feel what it means to hurt and hurt, and moms should not immediately comfort the crying child. Only in this way, according to E.O. Komarovsky, you can raise a good child without a sense of impunity and permissiveness.
The doctor emphasizes that outside the conflict situation, adults should treat the child with kindness and affection. Then the child will learn to respect the elders and strong, will try to avoid painful reactions, comparing his pain from the retaliatory strike and that of others during his aggression.
If a child fights at school
If a small child is not aware of the seriousness of the fight, then the student understands why he is taking this step, setting specific goals.
Some reasons grow from early childhood, never disappearing, if they have not worked on them. At the same time, the new situation gives rise to other motives.
Constant criticism and physical punishment at home form cruelty and desire to recoup their peers. Indifferent and permissive attitude towards aggression is a hidden incentive. Strict discipline and demandingness leads to the fact that outside the home the child loses a sense of proportion.
In school, fights become a way of winning status in a team and subordinating classmates. Figuring out relationships from a position of strength can be a challenge to teachers or parents. If a teenager does not receive attention from adults, he reasons like this: “I behave well, but they dislike me. If I’m bad, maybe they’ll pay attention to me. ”